Dear Mr Malik.
First of all, I’d like to congratulate you for becoming an internet sensation amongst the Pakistanis living in and outside Pakistan. In my facebook newsfeed, your video clip of the cabinet meeting has been posted by over 50 friends. And I’m sure like me, many others have noticed the same. The video was posted by almost all Pakistani pages on facebook, everyone ridiculing you. It is a shame how you’re being accused of something that was the writer’s mistake and not yours. Nonetheless, it is, perhaps, the highest and fastest spread video of any Pakistani politician. Hence, accept my heartiest congratulations for this achievement.
However, it is very unfortunate that like always, even now, your popularity level has risen more for all the wrong reasons. You’re again being accused of a mistake which wasn’t actually your fault. I mean blame the person who wrote the Surah wrong, why blame you, who only read what was written on the paper, right? I mean you’re educated enough to read, so I’m sure you couldn’t make that mistake. But don’t worry Mr Malik, the members in the cabinet laughed it off. Initially I thought you were telling some sort of a joke, but then I realised that the members were laughing at the aftermath of this, and what consequences the person would have to face who wrote the Surah for you to read. I’m sure you’ve sacked him, good, he deserves it. But, kindly arrange some teacher for him so that he doesn’t repeat this mistake again. And also, now when you hire someone new, kindly ensure that he’s educated enough to write to make it easier for you to read. Why don’t you hire one of the Mullah politicians, I’m sure they’d love to help you in this regard as it is obviously a very divine religious job. As I’m sure it must be very hard for you to recite Quran on daily basis, considering your busy schedule, worry not Mr Malik, I for one, would not curse you like the many others. I understand you have better things to do, like partying, making schemes about how you can bag more money, after-all, you’re saving this money in your piggy bank to save the country from any financial crisis in the future, along with conspiring against the other evil politicians who are always criticising you, poor soul you are Mr Malik. My heart goes out to you!
However, I’d like to give you one suggestion, why don’t you record another video of yourself and read the same surah more accurately this time? It will indeed become yet another Internet sensation and will exculpate you from all the blaming. The nation will not forgive you otherwise, as it seems that the system and nation has forgotten about divine retribution. And it’s not fair how everyone is forcefully trying to inflict this profanity on you. I’d suggest you to consider the suggestions above, my instincts tell me that your new video will be more than enough, like they say in Spanish, to olvidar (to forget) the mistakenly made mistake by you.
Before I end my letter, accept my apologies for such fluent sarcasm. I’d advice you to get an interpreter in order to understand the sentiments I’m trying to convey in this letter.
With Best Regards.
Your well-wisher from Scotland.